[Article originally posted on 8/2020: www.horizonascendant.com]
“You may be a king or a little street sweeper, but sooner or later you dance with the Reaper.”
― Bill & Ted’s Bogus Journey (1991)
I ate the bird. It was that or an endangered species. I didn’t catch any fish. The kill or be killed living off the land in the wilderness ended with me dipping into my wallet at a restaurant. Surprisingly. Now, before you go jumping to conclusions, know that I come from a long line of highly skilled fishermen. As you’ll see, the light creel I packed out of there wasn’t all on me…
Trout fishing is relatively inexpensive in Iceland. So said the travel brochure. No details. I was suspicious. But hey, when I was a kid, fishing in the U.S. cost me less than $20 for the entire season. So how expensive could it be in Iceland? Well, once there, the guy in the tackle shop informed me it would be between 30 and 40 euros an hour. Are you kidding me?! And, moreover, I would have to fish with flies or lures. Hey, for that price? I’m fishing with grenades. This is how the discussion would go:
- Tackle Shop Guy: “Well, sir, you’ll need several hours to catch your limit fly fishing.”
- Me: “No, thanks, I have my own technique – 10 minutes ought to do it. And, uh… just stay out of earshot.”
How could anyone possibly enjoy fishing at those prices? Every 15 minutes, I’d be cursing to myself: “Damn, there goes another 10 euros…” And if that wasn’t bad enough, I had to sheepishly state upfront that I fish with worms. Worms! I know what you’re thinking: you picture me sitting on an embankment elbowing some 6 year old out of the way so I can throw in my line and bobber. (As you can guess, looking good hasn’t been at the top of my priority list over the years which, of course, has brought me to the summits of where I find myself today.) Anyway, Tackle Shop Guy hands me the phone with The Fixer – Worm Guy – on the other end of the line. Time to reel this dude in…
- Me: “I need about a dozen worms.”
- Worm Guy: “10,000?” [stated with an incredibly thick accent and major hangover]
- Me: “Let me get back to you…”
I’d also have to throw the fish that I catch back? Are you kidding me?! Look, I admit it: I’m a primordial barbarian. I want to eat what I catch. That’s the whole point! To me, throwing fish back would be like climbing up a mountain only to, what, climb back down again. (Why do people do that, anyway?)
And where was Jon Snow and the Night Watch? Never saw them. Anywhere. I’m actually starting to harbor doubts that Game of Thrones wasn’t based on a true story.
The 4-hour whitewater rafting trip was unforgettable! At least all the muscles in my body thought so. What helped afterwards was soaking in one of those famous Icelandic outdoor hot springs… in the middle of Hurricane Cristobal. Like a sweet and sour dish, the hot bubbling water of the spring combined with a cold driving rain hard enough to leave pockmarks in my face melded together to create a truly memorable experience.
And the culinary scene? The national dish, Hákarl, is prepared by burying the headless body of a shark for 6 to 12 weeks where it ferments in its own bodily fluids. OK look, I’m no Michelin Star Chef, but I can say with reasonable certainty that dish, ferments and bodily fluids do not belong in the same sentence. The natives claim that you can’t say you’ve been to Iceland unless you’ve tried it! I can’t say I’ve been to Iceland. What I can say though is that I experienced some spectacular views and fun conversations along the way, all of which left many indelible – albeit fishless – memories. The cute little bird was tasty though.
“Life is what happens to you when you are busy making other plans.”
– John Lennon (1940 – 1980)